Should I confess (that I'm in love)
by happyunicornmalec
Summary: Magnus is a suspect in a crime. He is interviewed by the detective Alec Lightwood. After an hour in the interview room, the detective releases him. When they meet again, Magnus invites Alec over for dinner. But, Magnus begins to feel nervous about their dinner date. Is it a mistake to go out with the detective - when in fact he's guilty of the crime Alec is investigating?
1. Those goddamn eyes

_Magnus is a suspect in a crime. He is interviewed by the detective Alec Lightwood in charge of the case and immediately feels deeply attracted to him. After an hour in the interview room, the detective releases him with an apology. On an impulse, Magnus invites him out to dinner that night, and Alec accepts. But, leaving the police station, Magnus begins to feel nervous about their dinner date. Is it a mistake to go out with the detective - when in fact he's guilty of the crime Alec is investigating?_

**AN:  
This will be an AU Malec ****fic rated T but maybe I'll change it along the way. I also really want to know what y'all think about it so please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Malec or any other caraters from the mortal instruments. I'm just playing with their AU lives ;)**

_Alec POV_

"You know Alec, you should get out more. Go see the world, have some fun!" This wasn't the first time Isabelle said something like this. Seriously, if you would let her, she'd talk about partying as hard as you can _while _you still can whole day long. I still remember the last time she was giving me a speech about being a normal teen. Something about "YOLO" or what the hell that means. "I _am_ having fun. Last week I arrested a guy who'd kidnapped a little girl and yesterday I closed a case that was going on for almost _3 weeks_." Isabelle raised an eyebrow at me and sighted. "I mean real fun Alec, not some police related stuff. When was the last time you went on a date?". "You know I'm not the going out type Izzy. Besides-" I said shrugging. "I have a lot of work to do. Can't you just leave it?" I finished my coffee and put the mug on the countertop. "Maybe for now. But I'm not done with you Alec Lightwood!" I rolled my eyes at that. I knew she wouldn't let this go so easily. "Now, if you'll excuse me. Some of us have an actual job to do. Don't forget to lock the door when you leave". I grabbed my police badge and walked toward the front door. It was nice that Izzy came to visit me once in a while and of course I loved my sister, but every time she opened her mouth I just got reminded what a drama queen she is. I walked out of the door and exited the building. The cold air hit me like a freezing dagger penetrating my skin. I got into my car as fast as possible and headed of to work.

* * *

My office looked pretty boring. There was nothing personal about it. No family pictures, no decoration. It was just 4 white walls, a desk and a printer. And I liked it that way. I didn't understand why people would decorate their office. The only thing that'd happen was that you'd get attached to the little room and that would make it harder to leave when you got fired. Maybe that does't sound very optimistic to you but I just think that we have to look at something as it is, not as the way we think it should be. Either way I was doing some of the paperwork that laid in a neat pile on the corner of my desk. I had a pretty lazy day. After the lunch I was talking to Jem, one of my colleagues. Jem and I went to college together and we both worked at the NYPD Detective Bureau. What I really liked about Jem was his personality. He was always calm and a really good listener. He helped me in college to accept myself and to become the person I really wanted to be. I kept me secret for years, but I always knew that I could talk to Jem when I needed to. Now it was generally known that I was gay. At the NYPD that wasn't really something you talked about. It's not like they didn't accept it, we just didn't talk about it and I was totally fine with that. I had found out that I liked boys around the age of 12, when I got this big crush on the boy who sat behind me in English. It was something what I hid for a long time. Back then I hoped that when I denied it long enough, it would just go away eventually. It didn't. I had a really hard time in high school. I got bullied a lot. I was "that gay kid", the "emo boy", the "weird friendless nerd". That is one of the reason why I wanted to become a cop. I wanted to fight criminals and let there be some justice for ones. As we walked trough the doors of the cafeteria to get back to work, I saw that the chief Herondale beckoned me.

"Lightwood! Get your ass over here. I have a new case that I think you'll find interesting." I said bye to Jem and walked towards Will with a smile on my face. When you got to know Will he wasn't such an arrogant and sarcastic person that everyone thinks he is. "So did I hear you mention a new case? Whatever it is I'm in". He shoves a few papers to me over his desk and read them. "A drug smuggle?" "Yes," Will says. "But not an ordinary drug smuggle. It's the Castro gang. They're back in New York". I look at him with raised eyebrows. "Castro as in Miguel Castro? As in the number one drug smuggler in Mexico? Do you mean that Castro?" "Of course I mean that Castro you fool! Think about it, if you'd close this case, you could get way higher in rank at the detective department!" I let out a shaky breath I didn't even realize holding. This seems to good to be true. "It would be a hard case though. No guarantees. You could end up in the hospital or you know… something worse…" I sighted. I knew that this job could be dangerous, I signed up for this. I thought. "If you accept this case you will go undercover and try to get to Castro's good side. Please don't get to his bad side because that wouldn't end good for both of us." I laughed and nodded my head. I'm ready for this. "Let's do this" I said with self-confidence.

* * *

**I recommend you to listen to the acoustic version of I'm a mess by Ed Sheeran. That's the song the "street artist" is playing when Alec sees him. Well I actually recommend to listen to Ed Sheeran in general because he and his songs are perfect. :3**

I was waiting for my suspect to walk by so that my undercover mission could start. It's been a while since I've been working in the field. I feels good to be out of my office for once. It was a pretty nice day today in New York. The sun was shining and there were a lot of people outside. With my thoughts wandering off a bit I listened to the people talking to each other on the street. I got sight of my suspect, a long Mexican man, probably not older than 30, with a black suitcase and a white jacket. I shadowed him for a while until the man stopped to listen to a street artist. My eyes landed on the street artist as he started to play a song on his guitar. I bit my lip. This man was beautiful. He was maybe eight feel tall and had caramel colored skin. A few black strands of sparkly hair hung before his green yellow eyes. It looked like he'd put a lot of effort in his hair a few days ago but that he didn't care about how it looked anymore. When I got a look in his eyes my mouth opened a little bit. His eyes… woah. Those where probably the single most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. He saw me looking and smiled at me while singing. He never broke eye contact with me. It was like I got swallowed by this gorgeous human being with his almost cat like eyes and his beautiful voice singing one of the most meaningful songs I've ever heard. When he finished his song he was still looking at me. He gave me a wink and looked away. With an incredible force I got back to the here and now and I remembered the reason why I was here. I looked around for my suspect and saw that a large group of people were between me and the man with the suitcase. With a lot of "excuse me" and "pardon's" I tried to get to the long Mexican man, but he had vanished into the crowd. I swore under my breath and sat down on a bench. Those goddamn green eyes…

* * *

_Magnus POV_

I've seen a lot of beautiful people in my life but those blue eyes… mmm. I don't know why I keep seeing them. It's not like I know the guy. But still… I couldn't stop thinking about the raven haired boy. I was sitting on the corner of some street. I didn't really know where I was, but I couldn't care less. It was a hot summer night, way better than those freezing winter nights when it was so cold that you couldn't even feel your butt anymore. Because of that I needed to work. Well that and because the human body needs food and such. I do not like to think about my "jobs" but a person needs to do what's necessary. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I was waiting for my "client" to pick me up for our… appointment. _You need to do this Magnus, you need the money._ That's all I could think about. I am a puppet of society and I know it. I'm just a useless orphan kid living on the streets selling his body to survive.

When I got back to my usual corner in Brooklyn I felt dirty and exhausted. I was still the same useless orphan kid, but now I had money. It wasn't enough for a roof above my head but I at least could afford food now. Maybe a new sweater as well. I pulled my guitar out of it's case. It's weight felt just right in my hands and I stated playing. Everything. Anything. Just me, my guitar and all the other homeless people.

* * *

_Three weeks later._

My life chanced a lot in the last three weeks. A few days after my last client this man walked towards me. He told me that he had a job for me, that I could get a lot of money and a house without needing to sell my body. Of course I said yes, I would do everything to get of the streets. The job was simple. The only thing I needed to do was dealing. He would get the drugs, I would get the money it's that easy. And before I knew I was a part of the Castro gang. I finally had a home and I could afford better clothes and make up. I felt like myself again. Magnus Bane was back in the game bitches. But of course there would come a time when things would get out of hand. It was a groups deal this time. The other gang members and I went to the meeting point. A strip club called "Once in a while". We waited for our clients to appear but after ten minutes I knew we were in trouble. You're never too late for a drug deal. Never, that could cost you your live, everyone knows that. And when you're too late for your deal with the Castro gang… Let's just say that you'd wish you were dead before they made you pay. We were about to get up and leave but everyone started screaming at once. "Police!" Shit I thought. My mates and I spitted up just like we practiced. I was almost at the door when someone grabbed me by my shoulder. "Stop! Police! " I turned around and looked in the face of a man with silver hair, probably not older that 25, showing his police badge. "Come with me." He said. "I'm taking you to the station. I would like to ask you some questions."

* * *

I think that if they leave me alone in this room for another thirty minutes I'll go insane. They'd brought me to their interrogating room and just left me there all by my self for half an hour. Finally the door opened and the guy with the silver hair walked in. He gave me a small smile and walked to the chair on the other side of the table. "So let's jump right into it shall we?" the man said. "I'm detective Carstairs and I'm here to ask you a few questions." He offered me his hand and I shook it. It wouldn't be smart to be disrespectful to a cop now would it? "Magnus Bane" I nodded at the detective and he went on with his talking. "I'm actually dying to know what I good looking guy like you did there at the strip club at the exact same moment as the Castro's." He looked at me expectantly ."Well, doesn't it seem logic to you that I went to a strip club to see some strippers? Because to me it does." "We have our reasons to think otherwise mister Bane." I opened my mouth to say something that would probably be really stupid when the door opened. Detective Carstairs looked over his shoulder to see who it was. He nodded. "This is my partner: detective Lightwood. Alec, this is Magnus Bane." My mouth was still open and the detective froze in place when he saw me sitting at the other end of the table. I was at a loss of words. Finally I got two words out. The only ones that mattered. "Blue eyes".

* * *

**Sooooo? What do you think? I'm not ****entirely happy with this chapter but I accepted the fact that it never will be perfect. The next chapter is already mostly done so if you tell me you liked this one I'll post the next one as soon as possible. Oh and I do not feel like proof reading right now as it is 11:33 PM and I have school tomorrow… But I'll do a check later so if you see something that's wrong, don't be afraid to tell me :))**

**Waiting for your reviews,**

**Mariëtte**


	2. The shitty life of Magnus Bane

**I'm really sorry ****for letting you wait so long for the second chapter. Maybe you've read it on my profile, but I'm currently dealing with some anxiety problems and I don't really feel like writing a lot. It probably wasn't worth the long wait, but here's another chapter! I hope you guys don't hate me for not posting :/  
Read and enjoy!**

**Diiiiiiiiiisclaimer: I do not own the freaking characters. It's called fanfiction for a reason.**

* * *

**_Alec POV_**

I just got out of the interrogation room and was about to get a cup of coffee. I suppressed a yawn and rubbed my eyes. It was a long day. First Jace calling me at 3 am to talk about his girlfriend problems. Then finding Isabelle in my kitchen, eating my food. And on top of that, I had to finish a report about someone stealing lamps from offices in New York. So yeah, you could say that I was having a rough day. Luckily I have the best friend ever. Jem agreed on helping me with my drug case. He went out to get the bad guys and I waited here on the station for him to get back. What I didn't expect to happen was meeting the caramel skinned guy with the beautiful gold/green eyes again. To say I was shocked is an understatement.

I got my cup of coffee and walk towards my office when I heard someone calling out for me.

"Blue eyes!" I turned around and looked in the face of Magnus Bane. His eyes were sparkling from happiness or glitter, either way it looked amazing.  
"Yeah?" I said nonchalant while my heart was racing in my chest. It's not okay to feel like this when you don't know the guy right?  
"I've been thinking," Magnus begun with a smirk creeping up on his face. "You seem like a nice guy to me and judging on the way you look at me when you think that I'm not looking, you think the same about me." I felt my cheeks burning. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't think of anything. "What about you come over to my house and we have some dinner together?" The green eyed man said. I bit on my lip.  
"Well… I don't know…"  
What? You don't know what Alec? You don't know if you want to? Because you do. Hell yeah you do! Come on, what's the worst that can happen? Well, of course I could make a total fool out of myself but that wouldn't be the first time. I thought about my conversation with Isabelle a few weeks ago. Yolo right?  
"Okay then."  
"Really?!" I smiled awkwardly at him.  
"Yeah."  
He wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. "My house, 8 o'clock?"  
"Sounds good to me." I said.  
"See you then Blue eyes." He winked at me and walked away.

* * *

_**Magnus POV**_

This was definitely a mistake. I knew that much but I wasn't going to stop. I couldn't stop anymore, it was already too late. I couldn't bring myself to care anymore either. I just let it happen. You know how they say that before you die, you see your life flashing by? Well, it's true.

All the bad things started when I was 8. My mom and I used to sing and dance on musical songs. It made me so happy when she would lift me in the air and it would feel like I could fly. It would always end the same though. My stepdad would walk in on our little musical session and yell at my mother that she was making me gay. That she was making me a sinful person. That if she kept doing this, she would be sending me to hell all by herself. She once interrupted him. She knew she shouldn't but she still did. She told him to shut his goddamn mouth for once and leave us alone. It was a mistake. It was such a big mistake. I was sent to my room, but I overheard them from the stairs, hugging myself while listening to the yelling voices. "You're asking for it" I heard my stepfather say to my mom in a deadly soft voice. I heard a slap and the sound of something heavy falling to the ground. I still remember running back to the living room only to see my mother lying on the ground with her hands in front of her face. I can't remember what I happened next, only that I ended up lying with my mom and crying.

That was the first time my stepfather abused my mom. There were other times where he would be really sweet to my mom and give her flowers and chocolate. She would act thankful and hug him, kiss him, but I knew better than to believe that everything was fine again. Her once oh so beautiful green eyes lost their sparkles a long time ago. The situation got worse with time. They eventually became so bad that my mom killed herself in one last chance for happiness. I don't blame her. I miss her, but I don't blame her. For a long time I blamed my stepfather and he blamed me. The years after her dead were painful. My stepdad and I moved to the states. I hoped that we could get a new start. A new beginning. How wrong I was. My stepdad would come home drunk every night. He would hurt me physically and mentally and he didn't even care. He never cared. Those were actually the worst years of my life. But after a while people started to suspect things. And they were right. My dad eventually was sent to jail after he tried to drown me in the lake near our house.

At the age of sixteen I lost both my parents and lived on the streets of New York. At first I went to high school, but it seemed pointless. Why would I need education when I couldn't even afford living in a appartment? So after a few years, I dropped out. I was only eighteen years old by then. I lived on the streets and I needed money. I started selling my body. I did what I needed to do to survive. At some point I got involved by a big drug smuggle and they seemed to like me so they asked if I wanted to join their gang. Why not? I thought. Life can't get worse now can it? So I joined them and that's what got me in the situation I'm in right now.  
I last thing I hear is someone yelling and I feel a sting of pain before everything fades away and I slip out of consciousness.

* * *

My wrists are tied to the arms of the black wooden chair I'm sitting on. A huge man is sitting on the chair on the other side of the room, gun in his hands. How I ended up in this situation? It's kind of a funny story.

* * *

_I just got back from the police office. Everything went fine. I invited blue eyes to dinner and he said yes. It was too perfect to be true. When I walked back to my house, I saw a man standing on my portch. I didn't know his name, but I reconised him as one of the Castro gang members from the strip club. So he also got away. I smiled at him and he walked over to me. "Magnus Bane right?" _  
_"Yes." _  
_He nodded. "James Miller is the name. I'm here because I have a task for you. There is another drugs gang in our part of the city and they are stealing our costumers. I need you to get rid of them."_  
_ "Wha- me?! How could I possibly get rid of a drugs gang?! I don't even know how to use a weapon!" _  
_"Well, too bad kid because Castro asked for you. You're still new so you need to prove yourself. If you succeed you'll get everything you've ever dreamed of, if you don't… you'll die."_  
_ "And what if I don't do it? What if I refuse to do it?"_  
_"Not doing it equals not succeeding. You choose." And with that the man walked away._

* * *

The guy stands up from his chair and walks over to me. "Magnus Bane," the man says with a light accent I can't really place. Castro's new puppet. I'm very curious what will happen when you meet our leader. I mean, you did try to get rid of us… Can't over look that so easily right?" I said nothing. I had to get away from here. "Don't worry, he'll be here soon." He laughs but his laughter stops abruptly when we hear a noise coming from the room next to us. The guy smirks at me and says: "Looks like he's already here."  
The door opens with a bang and a man in a long dark coat walks into the room. I can't see his face from here. The big man talks again. "I did exactly what you told me to do master. I brought him here for you."  
"You are a loyal member, Teo." That- that voice… It sounds familiar…  
"You can go now."  
"As you wish sir." The man with the gun left the room, leaving me alone with the man in the coat.  
I'm still trying to place the voice with a face when the man walks towards me, into the light.  
"Nice to see you again Magnus."  
Oh shit.

* * *

**AN:**

**And? And? AND? Did you like it? I hope so :p If you did, you can review on this chapter and tell me. Again, I apologize for not being active. Oh and I didn't check for mistakes in this chapter because I'm a lazy piece of shit but I'll read it tomorrow.**

**THANKS FOR READING!**

**Love,**

**Mariëtte**


	3. I'm sorry :I

Hey beautiful people!

I think we all know this is not the greatest story and I'm not the greatest writer.

So I don't think this comes as a surprise, but I'm probably not going to finish this fanfic.

Maybe I'll try to rewrite it and finish it after I'm done with The Owner and the Tramp.

That's not a great fix either, but I'm not going to give up on it just yet.

That all I wanted to tell you. I love every one of you who took the time to read this story :)

X Mariëtte


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